I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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