Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
