well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
