Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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