I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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