he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
