I need to stop coming to work sober
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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