Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
