I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
