I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
