Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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