I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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