Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
