I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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