he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
