I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
