All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
