Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
