i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it's like iHOP with fire
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
