i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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