I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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