Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
