that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
