apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We got so high we made milksteak
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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