Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
