Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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