I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
