that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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