Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
