just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
