i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
