I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
