if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
