Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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