Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
