Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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