I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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