i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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