Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
