it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
