It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
