I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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