White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
