You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
third nipple confirmed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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