whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
