Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
