I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
