I can tuck mytits in my pants
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
