I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
