I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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