physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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