have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
