This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
