dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
