You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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