***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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