It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
