Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
