me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i out mim tonsoeep
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